n the far-off land of Liberty, in the place called Virginia, in the town of Roanoke, there did dwell some pirates.
2. Alas, since they dwelt not near the sea, where there were ships to commandeer, but near the foot of a Great Mountain Range, where no ships sailed, they found it most vexing that they could not ply their trade.
3. And so the pirates conspired one with another, saying, "O Brothers, wherefore we have neither ship to sail, nor crew to lord over, let us search among the wealthy of this town, whom we may capture and hold for ransom."
4. And they sought, among the Christian and white inhabitants of the town, and among the women, whom they deemed weak, and not very smart, for the young pirates were brazen sons of Allah and his prophet, may his feet be cemented in the Burning Furnace of the Jinn, forever, and they believed that it would be but an easy thing to capture their quarry.
5. And so they set out, and knocking on the door of the woman, made up a story to lure her into their trap.
6. Yea, and when she opened her door and saw the pirates, she screamed for help, and shut her door, catching the arm of one of the pirates, his brethren having fled.
7. And the Sheriff of Roanoke captured the pirates, and threw them into the jail, where they sit, even to this day, regretting their